I really don’t know how some people are allowed to have things they don’t appreciate while other people would give anything to have them but are never allowed to. It has gotten to the point where I don’t even feel selfish or sorry for myself anymore, but angry. I just really want to have the things I wish for and I am so sick of people telling me that it’s my own fault I don’t have them. There is nothing wrong with me. I am a perfectly acceptable human being and it still seems like it’s too much to expect someone else to think the same thing about me. Someone also told me that I need to be more confident in myself before I could expect someone to see me the same way. Well? What fucking good has that done me? I have gone a really long time without being down on myself but it’s almost worse when you feel good about yourself as an individual because then you wonder why the hell no one else is seeing you that way. Then it just comes back full circle and you start to feel really awful about yourself again. This is such a vicious cycle and I just really want it to end.